your room smells of hookers.
And success
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
