Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
