also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
