He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
