i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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