and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
