You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
