I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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