yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
