So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry about my life...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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