I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
