I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
