how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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