i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
