Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
