He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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