Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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