Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
