Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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