Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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