I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
