Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
