So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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