I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Come share oat with me in your robe
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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