I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
