Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this beer tastes like vomit already
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
