I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
