Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
