Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
