How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
