Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
