'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
