Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
