Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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