I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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