Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
