she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
