Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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