My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
