In America we eat man semen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
