I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
