Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
