OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
