my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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