I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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