Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
