I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's like iHOP with fire
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
