just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
