Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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