Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
