hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
