Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
