Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
