did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
