I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
