would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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